Facing the Truth

Anyone that knows me knows how hard I hate to admit when I’m wrong or when I’ve made a bad decision. But, I told you all in the beginning I was going to be open and honest with my blog so here it is.

If you remember I posted back in December that I was starting contest prep for the 2014 season, however after weeks of waffling and beating myself up I’ve decided I don’t think competing is in the cards for me in 2014.

Having been off stage for almost two years now I’ve been able to see the industry from a different perspective and while I still have a yearning and desire to get back up there myself I’ve also seen where the physiques have gone and I’m just not at that point. Even if I started dieting down today, I may hit my stage weight by June 4^th but my musculature just wouldn’t be up to par with the women I’d be competing against. I know I could push out my show date until November as well but I’m not sure I’m ready to diet for 11 months just to get back on stage this year. I truly feel like I need to take the time to rebuild my strength – it’s so frustrating to barely be able to leg press 180 pounds when I used to easily do 540+. My muscles haven’t atrophied completely because I stayed active during my pregnancy but they have certainly weakened substantially. You hear the phrase “muscle has memory” and while yes this is true, it remembers what it’s supposed to do and how to do it, that does not mean that I can go into the gym and curl a 60 pound barbell right off the bat. I have to work my way back up, and in doing so recreate the muscularity I used to have. I am anxious to see my shoulders again (my favorite muscles) and get my six pack back but at the same time, I just know it can’t be done in 20 weeks.

That being said, I’m not entirely ruling it out. I need to have a long conversation with my coach about my wants and needs before I make my final decision. If he thinks I can work toward the goal of competing in November without too much stress then it’s possible I’ll commit to that, but for now I have to say June is more than likely off the table. I have a LONG way to go both physically and mentally before I can put myself through the stress of prep along with everything else and I wouldn’t want to disappoint myself by saying I was going to do it and then back out last minute.

So for now, let’s say my competition prep is “on pause”…I’m going to continue to eat clean and get my workouts in, but I’m not going to put too much pressure on myself to diet down now. I got on the scale yesterday and am ofifically back to pre-baby weight … 10 days past my goal of January 1 but still I’m there. Now comes the fun part – rebuilding and strengthening – enjoying life and being happy!

The stage will ALWAYS be there, but I just might not be on it this year. It’s all about balance and sometimes the pendulum swings more heavily in one direction than the other … and for me right now, it’s swinging toward my son and my own happiness!

I am going to continue to track my weight, strength and diet so you’ll still see progress pictures along the way but don’t be surprised if June comes and goes without mention of the stage!

Stay strong and keep pushing toward your own goals!