Last night Brian and I went to Cafe Escadrille for our traditional anniversary dinner. We were married there on July 12, 2008 but started our tradition on what we affectionately called our "Negative One Year Anniversary". Every year since then we go back for dinner and to celebrate our anniversary. And every year it gets better. The food is always delicious, the service fantastic but the company is the best part.
I've heard so many people say "the first year of your marriage is the hardest" ... I wholeheartedly disagree. Brian and I had been living together for almost three years before we were married so it really didn't feel like much had changed once we had our certificate - other than my name. We continued to live our life as we had previously.
For us, I think the "hardest" year has been this past one. Our seven year itch came about 2 years too early! Marriage is work - that cliche is definitely true. We've been through our fair share of ups and downs in the past 12 months. We've made some difficult decisions, had some uncomfortable moments and some intense disagreements. We've dealt with a very painful loss, a change in career (me), longer than normal work hours (Brian), the birth of my nephew and all the other "normal" things life throws your way. It's been a trying year for us but we made it. Giving up or failure isn't an option and when things get hard - we fight harder. Please don't misunderstand, Brian and I are still very happily married and wouldn't trade that for the world, but our marriage certainly isn't perfect and we would never claim it was.
A typical day in our life consists of Brian waking up at 4:45am to get to work by 6:30am; I'm up at 6:30am to catch my 7:30am train. I leave my office at 5pm and head to his for 6pm, we don't usually head for home until 6:30pm and with traffic and the distance we drive we aren't usually home until 7:45pm or 8pm. By the time we get home, we throw some sort of dinner in the oven, eat in front of the TV and go to bed. This doesn't leave much time for substantial or meaningful conversation. We are usually so tired from our day the last thing we want to do is engage in an in depth discussion about childcare or finances. On our ride home we usually just recount our day and complain to each other about the traffic. Needless to say, there are times when we feel more like roommates than a couple!
And that my friends is why I say "date nights" are so important. Over dinner last night we were able to really talk. We reminisced about our past (it was nice to take a walk down memory lane), we talked about the baby and how much life is going to change, we talked our dreams for our family and where we'd like to be by our ten year anniversary dinner, we talked about our career goals and aspirations, how many more children we'd like to have, how blessed we feel to have the life we do. Then of course we got sappy and sentimental - more me than Brian but he has definitely opened up in that department in the past couple months - and it was nice to be able to share those feelings with each other as well.
To have private moments like that where you can reconnect with your husband (or wife) I think is hugely important for life in general but especially when you're about to welcome a child into your life. You go from being all about the two of you and what you want to needing to make decisions for your family. We find ourselves talking about things we never would have before and it's only deepening our connection. We are growing together in a different way now and it's comforting to know that we continue to be on the same page about most things. And now, when we disagree (which we still do) we are able to talk it through as adults and parents-to-be rather than a carefree married couple.
At the same time, once the baby comes it's going to be important for us to continue having date nights. We don't want to just become someones parents - we want to maintain our identity as a couple and as individuals. We need to have our own space to explore who we are and not get lost in the world of parenting. It's going to take some adjusting but that's the fun in it. Experiencing life together and finding a new way!
Our relationship is forever changed because of what we've been through and what's on the horizon but as long as we fight for what we want together there's nothing we can't do!
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