As a
piggy-back to my post on Monday I wanted to address the cliché of “Nine
Months On, Nine Months Off”.
So many women
in our society, myself included, feel immense pressure after giving birth to
immediately look like we were never pregnant. We are expected to have a flat
stomach, no stretch marks, wear our skinny jeans… basically nothing that
resembles the actual reality. So I thought I would share with you my
post-partum journey thus far.
Yesterday
morning I got on the scale and saw 120.6 pounds…A number I haven’t seen in
YEARS. Yes, YEARS. The day I found out I was pregnant with my son I stepped on
the scale to set my benchmark – 130 pounds exactly. That was where I started. I
don’t think I’ve seen 120 since I my bodybuilding days in 2011.
For the next
thirty-three weeks I gained one pound per week. Steadily. I remember sitting in
my 16 week appointment with my doctor and hearing her say to me “well, you’re
definitely ahead of the curve in terms of weight-gain” and that I should try to
slow down. I left that appointment in tears, not necessarily because of the
number of pounds I gained, although by that point I was 146, but because I knew
I was doing everything in my power to have the healthiest pregnancy I could. Up
to that point I’d still been lifting five days a week and was doing three days
of cardio. My diet was clean for the most part filled with complex carbs, lean
proteins and healthy fats. I wasn’t the woman who was “succumbing” to her
pregnancy and drowning in ice cream, pizza or cookies – no, I was determined to
be even healthier than I had been prior to.
Regardless of
how I was eating or what I was doing for exercise, my body was growing a baby
and because of that, anything that happened physically was really out of my
control. I watched as my waistline expanded, horrified at the size of my butt
and thighs and the amount of cellulite growing on my rear. I was in maternity
clothes by 12 weeks, and by 30 weeks was so uncomfortable I thought I was going
to burst. Outside of work I literally lived in stretch pants and sweatshirts.
My hair in a constant ponytail, no make-up and no jewelry. I was a mess! At the
start of my third trimester, Lucas had taken up residence on my sciatic nerve
and no matter what I did, refused to move. I tried stretching, yoga, floating
in the pool – and while I would get relief for a short time, pretty soon I’d
feel him flip right back around and BAM the pain was back. Couple that with my
ever increasing size and I was fairly miserable. I felt unattractive, ugly and
fat. Nothing anyone said made me feel better. And when one family member told
my husband (behind my back) that I was “enormous” I just about lost it. I hated
feeling that way but there was nothing I could do to change it.
Scarily on
the way to my 37 week appointment the pain in my sciatic nerve was so
intense that it caused me to lose my balance and I tumbled down a set of
stairs. I was immediately put on bed rest by my doctor for the remainder of my
pregnancy – which luckily for me was only two weeks.
At my 39 week
check up on September 4 my doctor weighed me one last time and the scale read
163 pounds. I was officially the heaviest I’d ever been. I knew my pregnancy
was nearing an end (though I never expected to go into labor that very night)
but still the number was shocking. I kept thinking about all the work I was
going to have to do to “get my body back.” But the next morning when Lucas was
born I forgot all about it, my son was the only thing I cared about! J
A week after
I left the hospital, and was fully settled in back at home, I began to get into
a routine of carefully moving around and eating healthy again. The first time I
stepped on the scale I was down to 155 pounds, eight pounds lighter than when I
gave birth. It was motivating yes, but also reminded me once again about where
I’d been and where I was. I wasn’t given the green light to start working out
fully again until six weeks postpartum so the main thing I did during the first
six weeks was to really focus on healthy eating. I was back in my routine of
six meals a day loaded with veggies and protein and drinking a ton of water.
Since I was breastfeeding I also needed to make sure I was consuming enough
calories so that gave me the freedom to have a treat every day! The pounds
slowly came off during my maternity leave and when I went back to work at nine
weeks postpartum I was 148 pounds.
Quick
sidestory – during my entire pregnancy people would say “you’ll bounce back so
quickly” or “I’m sure you’ll have no trouble losing the weight” so I was convinced I’d be one of those women that
would be back in pre-pregnancy clothes by the end of my maternity leave – boy
was I wrong.
I went back
to work the first week of November, at the very start of the holiday season.
And I wore my maternity clothes, straight through the New Year. I am the first
to admit, I was lazy. I was overwhelmed and I was frustrated. We were going
through a lot as a family at that time, we’d just brought our son home, we sold our house and moved in with my
parents, I started a brand new job, my husband started a new job and it was the
holidays. To say I had a lot on my plate was an understatement. So my exercise
and diet took a back seat. I continued to wear sweatpants and t-shirts on
weekends, which of course did nothing for my self-image. I loathed what I saw
in the mirror. I hated everything I tried on, I cried when I attempted to put
on pre-pregnancy pants that didn’t fit, I yelled at my husband when he told me
I looked amazing… I was in a dark place. It wasn’t until I connected with
another mother who’d just had her first child that I began to see how silly I
was. She too was struggling with the weight loss game, and here I was telling
her how incredible she looked, that she was my inspiration yet hating myself.
How hypocritical could one person be. So I changed my outlook.
Just before
Christmas I called my bodybuilding coach and told him how frustrated I was. We
came up with a plan to get me back “on track” and to where I wanted to be. And
despite the fact that I knew during
that conversation I wasn’t ready, I agreed to it anyway, and within just a few
weeks after starting my plan I quit. It was too much for me to handle at that
point in my life – I had a newborn that took up every free moment I had, and I
didn’t want to be away from him training at the gym. So needless to say, my
weight stalled. I was stuck in the 140’s for almost four months.
In January at
the urging of a dear friend I reached out to Julie Chapleau of Team Best FitBody. We spoke for a few hours over the course of two days, about where
I’d been, where I was and what my goals were. As a woman and mother, she
understood the limitations a new mom faces and the challenges of balancing
motherhood, a full time job and a fitness regimen. She put together a plan for
me that worked with my lifestyle, four days of lifting, four days of cardio and
a diet that made sense. The goal was to get me to a healthy weight for my body
(in the mid-120’s) without excessive training and restrictive dieting. On my
plan I could, and still do, eat things like pizza and ice cream but it’s balanced with clean foods. I
quickly learned to not feel guilty after eating a treat and that sometimes it’s
exactly what I needed. When I was able to do that I was able to appreciate what
my body had done and was doing.
When I
started with Julie on January 19, I sent her my weight of 132 pounds. Over the
next 20 weeks my weight fluctuated. There were weeks where I’d stay on track
100% and I’d lose 2 – 4 pounds, but there were other weeks where I’d fall
completely off the wagon and I’d gain those pounds back. It was, and still is a
work in progress. It’s not easy to do it all, for anyone that’s trying to live
a healthy lifestyle, and for me as a new mom trying to balance it all can still
be overwhelming at times. However, I’m not giving up. I’m continuing to make
changes and alter my days to make things work. I’m adding in walks on my lunch
break so that I can get in my cardio for the day or making tomorrow’s lunches
while Lucas is napping in the afternoon. It’s all about scheduling.
When I looked
at the calendar last week and realized it had been 9 months since Lucas was
born it hit me that it had in fact taken a full nine months for me to lose all
the weight (and then some) that I had gained. I never imagined it would take
that long, nor did I ever think how fast it would go by.
And now that
I’m here I look back and I realize how hard I was on myself. I look at pictures
from before I was pregnant and while yes, I loved that body then, now I can
appreciate what I have more. For nine months my body nurtured and grew a child.
I had a vaginal birth (albeit with pain meds) and I chose to breastfeed (and
still do). My body isn’t the same as it was before, my hips are wider, my
breasts are saggier and my stomach is softer - and it will never be the same
again. It’s fluffier, curvier and stronger … and I couldn’t be more proud of
it. That’s not to say I don’t still have moments where I look at it and wish I
was tighter here, or leaner there but
I am appreciating every day. I’m focusing more on my internal happiness and
that of my family.
I remember
when people would say “cut yourself some slack, it took nine months to put it
on, it’ll take nine months to take it off” and all I wanted to do was slap them
silly. But they were right. For me it
took that long. That’s not to say it will for everyone, but if it does, please,
please, please try to go easy on
yourself. On the days that you struggle, think about why you gained the weight you did, and think about what you’re
willing to sacrifice to lose it. Maybe you’ll be genetically blessed to lose it
without a lot of work, or maybe you’ll be like me where you have to really work
hard at it, either way – you will get
there and when you do be PROUD of yourself.
One of my
favorite sayings is “it’s not a sprint – it’s a marathon” and that couldn’t be truer
in this case. Yes, I wanted to lose
that weight as quickly as I could – No,
I wasn’t willing to sacrifice everything to do so. My marathon is still going,
this isn’t the finish line for me but I’m happy where I am. As my weight climbs
back up over the next couple months with the addition of muscle weight I will
be proud of those changes, I will embrace them and I will love every single
step. I wish you all so much luck on your postpartum transformation journey - no matter what your end goal. Remember, you grew a child ... nothing is stronger than that!
Here is my entire journey ...
9 Months On - 9 Months Off
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