Perception vs. Reality

I made the declaration the other day about my return to the stage in 2014 and my desire to get my post-pregnancy body back. I have been feeling very down lately about what I see in the mirror. Outside of the ginormous breasts that have taken residence on my chest, there is really nothing that I like. I have cut myself a lot of slack up until now, reminding myself the changes aren’t in vain (I mean look at my kid! I’d do it a million times over just to have him!) but it’s been hard. I have cellulite in places I never did before, my once coveted 6-pack has been reduced to a 1-pack, I have back fat if I wear a bra that’s too tight and I swear I’ve added about 2 inches to my hips! Despite what I see and how I feel, my husband has consistently told me that I look amazing and that he loves my new mommy body. He tries very hard to get me to see what he does but I just haven’t been able to. I still refuse to wear any pants with buttons because I’m terrified they won’t fit. All of my pre-pregnancy pants are sitting in my closet collecting dust just waiting to break my heart. I have however, been able to wear 99% of my remaining pre-pregnancy clothing. I’m back in my size 2 & 4 dresses and skirts, I’ve had to upgrade my shirt/sweater size to a M because of my udders and while most women would take this as an accomplishment I still hated my figure.

Then yesterday I ran into a girlfriend of mine at the gym. She introduced me to her workout partner as a “new mom and figure competitor” – I waited for that look, the one that said “yea right, no way she’s a competitor” but instead was met with “HOLY CRAP! How old is your baby?” And when I told her L is only 3 months she was dumbfounded. She said she would never have known I just had a baby. That I look amazing and should be proud of the retained muscle tone (no matter how small)! Even though my husband and my friends have been saying these things to me for weeks hearing it from a complete stranger was a definite confidence booster! After I completed my workout I went and stood in front of the mirror in the locker room. I tried to see what she saw and just couldn’t do it. Regardless I took two pictures of myself, one from the front and one from the side. I told you guys I was going to be honest with my progress and keep you up to date so that’s what I was doing. After I’d packed my bag I decided to look at the photos and couldn’t believe what I saw. In all honesty I was shocked that it was me. What I saw in the mirror and what that picture showed were two entirely different people. I saw a frumpy, flabby, toneless, tired woman and the picture showed a tight, toned, athletic body. While it may sound conceited, I am PROUD of that picture! I know I still have a LONG way to go before I can even think about hitting the stage, I now know that I’m starting at a good place. I don’t have nearly as far to go as I once thought. If I continue to follow my coach’s program I have no doubt at all that June is a very feasible goal!

I can’t wait to see what changes come over the next 6 months in both my mind and body. I am anxious for the end result, but like my pregnancy I am going to try and enjoy every step of the progress. You can’t fully appreciate the end unless you’ve truly lived the journey!

Here I am boys & girls
3 months postpartum!

Starting weight: 137
Stage weight: 119
Pounds to go: 18